Don't Be Afraid to Care
by Lupeg
Summary: Tension starts to build up as Dean and Castiel try to unravel their own feelings and the ones they have for each other.


**Chapter 1**

* * *

"Aaaaah", a muffled scream cut into the silence of the night as Dean woke up gasping for air, his body full of sweat. It was the same nightmare again, he swore this was the last time he tried to take on a djinn all by himself. He only met a few in his hunter career, but all of them were a pain in the ass. They use their poison to put you to sleep and give you hallucinations so real it feels like you are actually there, while they feed on you. Most, give you nice dreams, like the first one Dean has encountered, his mother was alive and neither he nor Sammy were hunters. Even though he would never say it out loud, this wouldn't have been such a bad way to die. This one on the other hand liked it when you were afraid, so it played images of the most important people in Dean's life dying, over and over again, and when it realized that Castiel's death impacted him the most, it replayed just that. Why did he feel that strongly about Castiel ? Was it because he knew so little about angels and had no idea if he could bring him back? Was it because he was the best friend Dean ever had ? He honestly had no idea, with him never staying in a place for too long, friends were not something Dean was too familiar with so he wasn't sure how to decipher these emotions.

Still panting, Dean got up from his bed and poured a shot of whisky, hoping it will help him sleep better, and then another, and another, and kept doing it until he was sure that if he drank one more, he might not actually wake up. Barely keeping himself on his feet, he headed for the door, stumbling and almost falling a few times, thankfully there were few things that could wake his brother up. As he opened the door, the cold air hit Dean's face, waking him up a bit, but not enough to keep him from falling in front of the motel he and Sam were staying in for the night. He got up to his feet and, even if it took more than it should, he finally got to the impala and sit on the hood without worrying if it might leave a mark on his baby. Then, without any thought put into it, he put his hands together and called Castiel. There are a lot of drunk types of people in the world, some would get sad, some would feel ill, but when _Dean_ got drunk, his limitations would disappear, he would do exactly what he wanted without thinking about the consequences.

"C-C-Cas, get down h-here, _now_!" His words barely understandable.

A sound of ruffling feathers caught his ears and there he was, right in front of him.

"Hello Dean, did something happen?" Castiel said, with a genuine look of concern on his face.

Dean heaved a sigh of relief and almost fell again when he put his head in his hands. He just had to see if Cas was alright. His body was burning up, probably because of the alcohol, or was it because Cas was there ?

"Dean, is something wrong ?"

"No, Cas, everything is fine." Prolonging the 'i' on 'fine' a little bit too much. He felt like his head weighted a ton, like it was ready to fall, so it was just going from left to right as if he was listening to a lullaby.

"Then why did you require my presence?"

"Shut up and sit down" Dean said, carefully enunciating every syllable.

Castiel did so, a little concerned though.

Some time passed with none of them even trying to say a word. Cas opened his mouth but before any sound came out, Dean interrupted.

"Cas!" And all of a sudden threw his hands around the angel's neck, his chin resting on Castiel's shoulder, he could feel Dean's warm breath on his neck which made him blush, even though he was unaware of this. Dean smelled like cheap motel soap and after shave which made Cas feel like home, not that he really had one, but if he did, it would smell like Dean. "I missed you!" the hunter said even though they had met the day before.

Castiel wasn't really sure what to do so he just awkwardly hugged Dean back. Neither of them said a thing for what felt like hours, Dean refusing to let go. Cas wasn't affected by the cold weather but he _could _feel it and when Dean started shivering, he had to do something.

"Dean, it's freezing, we should go inside, you'll catch a cold"

"You're warm enough for me Cas, and besides, the motel is too far away"

'You're warm enough for me', Cas couldn't help but smile when he heard that, he wasn't really knowledgeable about human emotions so he wasn't quite sure why but it sure as hell felt good, it felt like a dove was flapping its wings inside his heart, trying to escape.

"Dean, I'm not going to be enough to warm you up, let's at least get you in the car ". The hunter didn't object.

Cas put one of Dean's hands over his shoulder and helped him into the back seat after searching his jacket for the keys which made him breathe a little harder than usual when he had to touch the hunter's body all over looking for them.

As soon as Cas was comfortable in the backseat, to the left of the hunter, Dean slowly lowered his head unto the angel's shoulder. Cas figured out that Dean was drunk a while ago but he just decided to go with it, because, even though he wasn't sure why, whenever he was with Dean, he felt something inside him, something he could not explain, some kind of warmth he couldn't feel anywhere else.

The hunter's head was filling with memories of him and Cas being together, the funny ones, the happy ones, even the sad ones. And since his brain couldn't make the difference between what he should and what he shouldn't say out loud, Dean started talking:

"Hey, Cas, remember that time when we went to search for Raphael? You were such a bad fake FBI agent, you even held your badge upside down." Dean started laughing, his right hand grabbing Cas' left hip.

"And remember when we trapped him in that circle of holy fire ? " His head slipped in Castiel's lap but he was too lazy to try to stand up and to be fair, he kind of liked it. The same could be said about Cas. "But today, you're my little bitch" Dean said trying to imitate Castiel's voice. "You were such a freaking badass" he turned around facing Castiel's stomach and clumsily tried to hug him.

The angel remained silent, not really sure why Dean was bringing this stuff up, but he was glad the hunter remembered these unimportant things.

"Or when you first watched porn. You were so clueless." He said while laughing.

Cas felt a little bit offended but he wasn't going to hold it against Dean.

"Oh, oh, but you interrogating that cat was my favorite, remember?", still laughing while burying his face in the angel's shirt.

"Hey, I was getting pretty close to cracking him" Castiel said, a little irritated.

In the time it took him to say those words, Dean was asleep, his head still in the Angel's lap. He waited a bit so Dean would be fully asleep and then, careful not to wake him up, Cas grabbed the hunter in his hands and slowly carried him into his motel room. He could have definitely flew there, but seeing Dean, so weak in his arms, made him want to enjoy this moment a little more, so he walked a little slower than he normally would have.

Dean got put down as cautiously as possible on the bed but as soon as he tried to leave, Cas heard the hunter calling his name. He looked back but Dean was still sleeping, though it looked like his dreams weren't exactly pleasant. The angel approached the bed and grabbed Dean's left hand between both of his, he kissed it gently and Dean calmed down in a second.


End file.
